The Cosmic Slap (Part One)

The Big Leap

I've been upgrading my life recently. And every step of the way, little voices have been trying to hold me back.

It started with new underwear. I'm ashamed to admit the old ones were the packaged variety from the supermarket; way too convenient, and way too granny-like. 

I told myself for almost two years that, as a new mum, I didn't have the time or energy to go farther afield. I wasn't worthy of spending more. So I wore those beige cotton sets and tried to ignore the slow erosion of self-esteem they evoked in me.

And when it came time to get intimate with my partner, well. Let's just say I was less than inspired. My energy was spent looking after my daughter, and taking care of business. While wearing saggy beige undies that would put Bridget Jones to shame.

I'd turned into my mother.

I realised my daughter needed a mother who wanted more for herself, and was willing to make it happen. I needed that. And, ahem, my partner did, too.

Enter some more womanly, elegant, and valuable underwear. It was amazing the difference they produced in many areas of my life.

Next, I upgraded my wardrobe.

I threw out a bundle of clothes that made me feel hideous. They were black and grey and old and stretched and full of holes.

I gave myself a budget, and went father afield than I had before. To a huge shopping centre, where the familiar face of Target greeted me at the door. It felt comfortable to shop there, and my inner voice said I'd find everything I needed. 

I roamed around, choosing the brightest and most beautiful dresses and accessories. I didn't choose safe and comfortable cotton t-shirts, but powerful statement pieces that made me light up. I got an entire new wardrobe for a few dollars less than I'd budgeted for. And had change left over to buy finger paint for my daughter.

It was easy. I was happy. I felt like my outsides matched my new and improved insides at last. Even the ridiculous pre-Christmas line didn't dampen my cheer.

We left the shopping centre and headed to a prize-home beach pad we've had our eye on for a while. It's a big leap. And I had to be there, to feel what it's like to live in ease, style and luxury. 

I knew I had to put on those new clothes and walk in feeling like a million dollars.

Walking around that home, right on the beach, I felt like I belonged. As the smell and sound of the sea drifted in to soothe my worries away, I saw myself in that space, easily and comfortably and perfectly aligned. 

The last time I'd visited, I'd been in old-me-clothes. I'd caught my reflection in the mirrors and looked away, knowing I didn't fit in there. I wasn't worthy. I was an imposter. I felt cheap, broke, begging for scraps from the universe that on some level I knew were way out of my reach. 

This time, we hung out, soaking it in, feeling right at home.

Everything flowed, and on the way home, I felt a new level of inspiration about what I love to do. I felt a new love for magic, for co-creation, for little shifts that move mountains.

I felt I'm being called to work much deeper with people, to revel the stories they need to own, as well as the gifts they have to share. I felt like I'm being called to teach my brand of magic, how to co-create with life to bring in your true desires.

The next day I sat down to work and resistance stared me down. I opened a chart, and just did not want to be there. I did not think I could do it. My mind told me it's because I wanted to be a magician instead. But my heart told me I was afraid.

I sat and felt into it and tapped it out. I've just learned EFT. During many rounds of tapping that morning, I realised I was in terror of needing to know the right answers, to please my mother, so she wouldn't abandon me. I'm an intuitive astrologer, but sometimes my intuition is crowded out by my know-it-all mind. Now I realised just why this part of me felt it needed to know the right answers so bad.

I eased myself into alignment with the idea of being in the unknown, the space where miracles occur, the space where real wisdom comes through me, not from me. I opened my channel again and everything began to flow.

As I wrote my report, I was grateful for this gift, for this life, for being able to connect to another soul's truth and translate it into words that can change their world.

I was open, and clear, and joyful. My work poured out of me in a rapture. 

I sat in my new favourite dress, feeling like the Queen had finally emerged from within me. 

And then the interruptions started.

My upper limit had been breached.

(To be continued.)

 

Eloise MeskanenComment